Garden gate — No. 8                        BY NO MEANS THE CHURCH TIMES                         SEPTEMBER 22, 1981

Canon blasts the 'Nazi' paramilitary Brownies

IN a hard-hitting sermon preached at the church of St. Oswald on Lindisfarne, where our correspondent happened to be holidaying at the time, Canon Paul Orifice launched a strong attack on paramilitary uniformed organisations in the Church. Over-use of the Union Jack in Divine Worship already caused much offence in our multi-faith, multi-racial, multi-storey-car-park society, he said, and to see little girls strutting about in brown uniforms was reminiscent of the worst excesses of the Third Reich and should be a cause of deep con-
cern to all committed Church people.
    The Politico-religious interface is not a laughing matter, he added, and whilst he applauded the use of girls and women as Owls he could not but be concerned at the Freudian overtones so clearly evidenced in the worship of Asherah thinly disguised as a toadstool, which might indeed with their hallucinatory propensities lead to drug dependence.
    His aged and frail congregation, in an unprecedented display of emotion, stood up and ran out of the church seeking Brownies wherever they might he found.
    Any suggestion that Canon Paul Orifice's comments should be taken seriously was denied by Deaconess Penelope Blodwin, District Commissioner, who claimed that her little girls were in no way revolutionary. They were likely to grow up into hard-working wives and mothers who would care only for their husbands and families and would not meddle in affairs either political or religious.
    She added: "There will he no 'Night of the Long Knives' because Brownies are not allowed long knives at night except under close supervision."

' Woman in pew' shocks Fr. Brown

A woman

FATHER Fank Brown collapsed unconscious in a dead faint at his altar last Tuesday and had to he revived with a litre of gin after he saw what he described as "a young woman" in his congregation. Father Brown, still visibly shaken by the experience, told reporters that he had just concluded a service for Ecclesia in Avebury Stone Circle when he realised there was an intruder
    "You could have knocked me down with a maniple-fringe," said Fr. Brown. "Naturally I have heard these people — what do you call them — young women described, but I had never seen one and never wanted to, yet one of these persons arrives here uninvited at our own private rites."
    The Rural Dean of Avebury said later that he had no knowledge that a young woman intended to be present at Ecclesia's ceremonies, but Fr. Brown replied, "If Fr. Stanton were alive today he would be 147 years old."

Churchwarden 'for women'

MR. Worzel Gummidge, 92, and for 57 years churchwarden of  St. Dichotomy's Church, Nothing Doing, came out strongly in favour of women priests at last Wednesday's P.C.C. meeting. Mr Gummidge said, "Happen I think them a good idea."

AROUND THE DIOCESES

Fun on tap at Brighton

HOLIDAYMAKERS at
Brighton were treated to a
surprise demonstration of tap-dancing by Jack Buchanan by the master of disguise, the Rev. Richard Griffiths, who regularly gives up part of his vacation to bring the Good News to holiday folk under the banner of Christian Recreation and Pastimes.
    "Thank you for mentioning me in your newspaper," said Mr Griffiths. "The Lord has richly blessed us with two weeks of sunshine and marvellous empty beaches."
    Next year his team hope and pray to go on a European tour and bring some Joy to the belles of St. Tropez.

ERRATUM

There was no truth in the story as printed in last week's edition of Not The Church Times that the Royal School of Church Music was going to remove membership from all female members.

Georgian first sod

THE Bishop of Manchester, the Rt. Rev. Stanley Booth- Clapboard, presided on Wednesday at the inauguration of the new Josephine Butler Memorial Church. Bishop Booth-Clipboard praised the work of the Liturgical Commission in placing Mrs Butler in the ranks of the Blessed.
    Then, with a silver-look Georgian-style trowel, he cut the first sod. Bishop Booth- Cupboard, in a long but delicately-phrased speech, said that he hoped no-one would take it personally. This church, he said, marked the begin-
ning of a completely new ministry in the diocese. If Josephine Butler were alive today she would be one very old lady.

Churchwarden comes out

MR Alvin Smith, 32, church- warden of the parish of St. Jonathan with St. David, SE1. came out on Friday. Neither his vicar nor the Bishop of South- wark had any comment to make.